£14 for a Watermelon

When I go onto iPlayer to watch The Challenge, I will often catch the very end of Only Connect. Sometimes I'm eary enough for the Missing Vowels round, but sometimes, like today, its just the last few words of Victoria Coren Mitchell's closing "joke". At the best of times, her comedic delivery irritates me, but today I only caught the phrase '£9 for a marrow', so I was able to fuse onto that punchline any setup I like, making the whole thing a lot funnier. As an aside, and in an anecdote I believe to be more amusing than a typical VCM pun, I did actually buy a watermelon for £14 last summer.

"£14 for a watermelon!"

Anyway, tonight's UC is the final match of the second round, between Bangor and Durham. I wrote in my review of last week's episode that Southampton were my pick for the tournament, ahead of the second round. I've just realised I meant Durham, so let's see if my prediction falls at the first hurdle (if it does then I can just delete this section and go with my accidental tip of Southampton).

Bangor get things off and running (bad news for my prediction, good news for them), and get a bonus set featuring Richard Osman's debut novel The Thursday Murder Club. Bennett hits back for Durham, and they took a full bonus set on Hilbert's Problems. Silcocks, wearing an incredible salmon blazer/flowery shirt combo, gives Bangor the lead. No one gets the first picture starter, but Scully wins Durham the bonuses with Birth of a Nation on the next ten pointer.

Forgetting the name of Port Sunlight, Scully suggests Port Sunshine for a picture bonus on model villages, but makes up for it with astigmatism on the next starter. Bennett, four sheep on her sweater, continues Durham's good run and the Wearsiders go fifty points clear. Scully and Radcliffe put them into triple figures, and Bangor's good start is beginning to feel a long time ago.

Misfiring with a guess of the Nutcracker, Bennett leaves the door open to Bangor on the music starter, but the Welsh side are unable to take advantage. They try their hand at the next, but buzz in early, and wrongly, allowing Scully to pick up the pieces.

Having a go before Durham can hear the whole question is probably their best bet at this point, but it's a risky strategy, and things could end badly if it doesn't work. As it happens, they stop even having a go, such is the quality of Durham on the buzzer.

Radcliffe and Bennett stretch the lead into three digits before Pounder pounds the buzzer with The First Crusade. It'd take a hell of a comeback from here though, and zero bonuses from three doesn't get things off on the best footing. The footing gets worse from thereon in, like when you lose sight of the path in a misty bog atop a hill in the Peak District. Its not quite reached the level whereby you'd be lucky to escape without a broken ankle, but when Scully rattles off the next two starters in quick succession, you can almost hear the snap.

Bangor are on for an all-time low score at this point - 35 would put them tied at 5th on the list. 45 would drop them out of the top 20, so there was a log of ignominy at stake. Scully didn't fancy showing any mercy though, and won the buzzer race once again with Kathryn Bigelow. This would prove to be Bangor's last chance.

Bangor 35 - 240 Durham

Oof. That was a paddling. Bangor lead 30-25 after the first few minutes, but a relentless onslaught saw them go down 215-5 after that. Pretty brutal. Still, as Paxman said, they made it to the second round, and Silcocks was dressed impeccably. Durham meanwhile look unstoppable, making me very glad I got my changed prediction in there at the start.

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