144 Cans of Coke Zero Caffeine Free

In July last year I bought one hundred and twenty cans of coke zero caffeine free. I need the caffeine free version because if I have caffeine after midday I lie awake until two or three am, staring aimlessly in the darkness, unable to shut down the whirring nothingness of my brain. You can buy it in some shops, but it tends to only be the big supermarkets, and I don't have a car, so anything I buy I have to cart back in a rucksack or dangling from the handlebars of my bike.

This limits somewhat the number of cans of coke zero caffeine free which can be transported. And when you have a caffeine free coke zero habit as big as mine, you need more than can be couriered on saddleback. Technically, I didn't need as many as one hundred and twenty cans, but if you ordered £55 worth in one go then you got a free coca-cola branded sports bag, so how could I not? Recently I ran out of these cans, and ordered one hundred and forty four more, because if you spent £60 in one go you got a free sports towel. The towel is nowhere near as good as the bag, but thats besides the point (which I will get to eventually).

At the weekend, the thought struck me, more than ten dozen cans into my coke zero caffeine free journey, that I could, and perhaps should, be putting wedges of lime in my glass when I drink them. I already have a specific way of pouring (really fast to temper the fizz just a little bit) and a specific number of ice cubes (four. Less isn't cold enough and more dilutes too much), so why shouldn't I add a citrussy affectation to my carbonated consumption? I have just done this, folks, and I can confirm that it was just as I'd hoped.

Earlier tonight, I finished the novel Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks, and at the end of the book there were a few pages advertising some of his other works with little synopses. One of these was for A Fool's Alphabet, which I have read, though I remembered nothing of it from the brief description. As I am wont to do in situations like these, I quickly fixated on the idea that the fact I remembered nothing of the book rendered the act of having read it pointless. Why do we do things if not to learn from them and grow, as people? If I couldn't remember anything about this book then why should I even have bothered to read it? In fact, why should we even bother to do anything? What is the point in cramming all of this stuff into our brains when we won't remember half of it? And then what even is the point of the half that we do remember? We don't do anything with it, do we?

But then I had a glass of coke zero caffeine free, with four ice cubes and two wedges of lime, and was hit by a startling, bubbling, zingy clarity. The point of it all is to taste the sweetness. To find out what you like and to drink those things. The moment itself is the point. The point of coke zero caffeine free isn't to remember it, its to enjoy it, and with that in mind, let's move onto something we all enjoy and tackle our first starter for ten.

Both of tonight's sides came through the high-scoring loser play-offs having lost close first round matches. Bristol were pipped 195-185 by the mighty Durham, and Newnham were edged out 175-160 by Courtauld. Newnham squeaked through the second round on a tiebreak, while Bristol trounced Queen's, Belfast with a score in the two hundreds.

Their average scores would indicate that Bristol are the team to beat, but Newnham seem to have the kind of gritty determination needed to stick close to their opponents, no matter who it is they are facing, and in captain Roma Ellis, they have someone who always seems to come up with a clutch buzz when they need it most. I'm looking forward to this one, and not just because I'm hopped up on artificial sweeteners.

Newnham are first out of the blocks, but they've jumped the gun, losing five points in the process. Bristol wait to hear the rest of the question before sliding in to take the lead, and ease their way to a hat-trick on the bonuses. Another neg from Ellis puts Newnham on minus ten, and McLaughlin comes in to pick up the pieces. They struggle a lot more on fabrics, managing neither corduroy or chiffon - two of the best fabrics (corduroy to wear and chiffon from the MUNA song).

Kehler keeps Bristol rolling with Colin Kaepernick and they are sixty five points clear going into the first picture round. Bowen brings Newnham back to zero with the starter. Holloway-Strong utters the immortal words 'I'm thinking Freudian things, penis envy, castration fear...' when discussing the bonuses. They take a full set, before Ellis, wearing the kind of glasses that people wear in adverts for Vision Express, takes their first starter to maintain this momentum. Ellis then corales the right answer from a choice of two given by Holloway-Strong and Newnham are only twenty back.

A third Newnham neg gave Bristol the chance to take control, but they missed the opportunity. No matter though, because a fourth neg followed hot on its heels, and this time McLaughlin is on hand to grab the points. Newnham have been a bit trigger happy early on here, but they didn't need to get so risky at this stage. This means that they are going to be more likely to need some early buzzes later on, when they'll have to be even riskier.

The music starter is a great LCD Soundsystem song, and it goes to Bowen. They get Madness and The Replacements on the bonuses, but somehow miss out on the gimme of David Bowie (saying the Velvet Underground instead, which is who the Bowie song in question was about). Ellis gets another for Newnham, but a couple from McLaughlin and Kehler re-establish Bristol's control.

The story of the match has been the incorrect interruptions from Cambridge, and Holloway-Strong adds another to the pile. Bristol haven't needed to be that good to build their big lead - all they've had to do is sit back and wait for Newnham to make mistakes. Not that they've not been great - they just haven't needed to be. They're now a hundred points clear and beginning to have some fun. With the pressure off, McLaughlin and Richardson hit their stride.

Misunderstanding what was being asked for on a question about playstation controllers, Kehler lets Newnham's Chen in to take their first points for a while. Normal service resumes when McLaughlin gives JJ Abrams on the next starter and Bristol cross the two hundred point mark. A few on the trot brings Newnham into three digits, but they were outplayed quite significantly tonight.

Newnham 110 - 205 Bristol

Another very impressive performance from Bristol, who look like certs for the semis. I wouldn't rule Newnham out either, though they will need to cut out the interruptions.

Also, congratulations to anyone who made it this far, having slogged through 700 words about fizzy pop. If you're here you may as well subscribe, eh?