2016/17: Episode 5 - Oriel, Ox vs Manchester

If you haven’t already you can watch the episode here before reading the review:

Like the plot of a melodramatic sports movie, having lost his own tilt at University Challenge with the final starter question of the semi final, Librarian Stephen Pearson (above) swore that he wouldn’t let any future students of Manchester University share the desolating emptiness he’d felt in that moment.

From that day forward he dedicated his life to training the next generation of Mancunian quizzers. Such was his success in this capacity that many regard him as the Sir Alex Ferguson of University Challenge and under his leadership Manchester have become nothing short of a Goliath, winning four titles in the eight years from 2006 to 2013, and displaying Federer-in-his-prime levels of consistency to reach at least the semis in nine of the ten years between 2005 and 2014 (they failed to qualify in 2011, for reasons unknown, though my investigation is ongoing). Including Pearson’s own appearance they’ve reached ten semi finals in the Paxman era - the next most prolific visitors to the last four, Magdalen College, Oxford, have only six, and no other institution has more than four.

He says that Boris Johnson would be a member of his dream University Challenge quartet, which would suggest that he goes on the hunt for mavericks to lead his teams. The reality is far more grounded, a simple written quiz and buzzer trials to pick the team. It is only once the squad has been chosen that he brings his magic to the table. Like Yoda in a Dagobah made of books, he trains his young padawans in the art of quizzing, instilling the ability to unlock their inner potential, to be the best quizzers they can be.

Upon his retirement I can only assume that his legendary status shall be enshrined in the history books with induction into the Librarians Hall of Fame (which is just a big library) along with such famed bibliothecaries as Benjamin Franklin, Laura Bush and Chairman Mao.

But on a more short term basis, would his latest batch of trainees have what it takes to defeat the Oriel foursome from down in Oxford?

At first glance some alarms are raised by the fact that they appear to be captained by a man who they’ve kidnapped from a 1970s rock band, but Michael nips in with the first question to give them an early lead. Oriel are no slouches either though, having won the contest in 1966, which presumably means their winning team are hero-worshipped like the England World Cup team from the same year. They were also beaten finalists in 1999 and 2000, so they too have a origin story in the fields of Revenge.

They are lead by a grinning Texan studying Philosophy and Physics - he wants to know how the world works, but also how the world works, if you know what I mean. He is flanked by Alex Siantonas, a defector from his native Cambridge and slayer of countless red squirrels for the purpose of embellishing his momentous beard/hair combo, which only grows more ginger the longer you stare at it. His team use this ruthlessness as they set about brutally dissecting the Manchester team, who never looked in it after the first five minutes.

Michael, hero of the opening moments, quickly turned villain, somehow managing to incorrectly buzz in early on four questions, single-handedly (or fingeredly) costing them the match. Oriel didn’t have to do much but hover and, like vultures, gently peck at the carcass of this lion who had stepped onto its own claws.

One wonders how such a self-destructive performer could ever make it through to a Stephen Pearson Man Uni team. All dynasties must come to an end, and having not made it past the second round since their streak of semi finals ended in 2014, is this the beginning of the end of the Manchester-Pearson age? Whatever happens, a legacy has been left, and the run of consecutive semi-final appearances may never be equalled.

And this team did at least utilise one of the greatest University Challenge idiosyncrasies, blatantly guessing the Krebs cycle for all three bonus questions on Biochemistry and getting it right on the last one, my favourite tactic for when you only know one word to do with a subject (I think I’ve answered Wagner for roughly two hundred different tunes)

Paxman too, reintroduced one of his own idiosyncrasies that had been conspicuously absent from the previous episodes in the series when he simply couldn’t hide his bafflement at Squirrelbane suggesting a Bo Diddley track was actually sung by Cole Porter (I know, how ridiculous). He did that thing where he starts chuckling to himself, like he’s heard something other than the words ‘Cole Porter’ and has instead been told the most hilarious joke in the History of Jokes (which would make a fantastic book).

He’d obviously been using the first few episodes as a warm up. Expect to see a return to his trademark sarcasm in the coming weeks. Incorrect answerers beware…

Final Score: Oriel, Oxford 150 - 95 Manchester

So that was week five, and Oriel College, Oxford beat the mighty Manchester University thanks in part to the fact they had a member who doesn’t shirk from skinning small mammals alive for the purposes of beard topiary. Come back next week for a new edition of The University Challenge Review if you can handle another 800 words of complete nonsense. Please like and share if you enjoyed it, and as always, any feedback would be much appreciated.