2016/17, Episode 10 - Edinburgh vs Durham

If you haven’t already you can watch the episode here before reading the review:

The two most prolific teams in terms of Paxman Era appearances do battle in this gladiatorial first round contest. Between them they’ve made the tournament bracket thirty-four times, including tonight’s match - eighteen for Durham and sixteen for my own beloved Edinburgh. Despite this they only have one win between them - Durham’s victory over Oriel College, Oxford coming in 2000 to add to the title they won way back when in 1977.

Durham’s previous seventeen tilts came in the consecutive years 1999-2015, a semi-final loss to Loveday’s Gonville and Caius in the last of these was followed by a mysterious absence in 2016 to bring their impressive streak to an end. Making their return after a gap year, like many of their first year students, they are captained by a woman named Cressida, a name largely lost to Medieval Literature, which I for one would like to see make a return to the big time.

Edinburgh meanwhile haven’t made the first round since a 220-125 trouncing dealt by Warwick four years ago, an unacceptable gap for an institution of such illustrious pride and history. But for all the appearances we’ve never won, never even made a final, and the last time we reached the semis was 2002. Generations of underperforming undergraduates have come and gone - could this finally be our time?

They rejected my application to be on the team for this year, probably due to the fact I was beaten by many, many people in the audition quiz, but that won’t rob them of my support. It was for similar reasons that when I finished 10th in my age group for the 200 Backstroke at the Scottish Nationals in 2012, but was not selected for the Olympic squad, I still cheered on Team GB in London. And I’m glad to see we are captained by a member of one of the most popular sartorial sects at the University - the flannel-shirted beardyman.

Now forgive me if I get a bit partisan when the quiz actually starts.

The first starter question goes to the aforementioned Cressida and the bonuses are on the writer Nora Ephron, who’s name Paxman vehemently mispronounces as Ee-fron but I’ll forgive him because he doesn’t seem like the type to settle down with a Rom-Com on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Going into the first picture round Durham have a slight lead and Edinburgh captain Boyle buzzes in with an answer I had thought to be wonderfully hilarious until rewatching the episode with subtitles. Asked to identify an island off the coast of Sweden he answered ‘Aland’, which turns out to have been a very decent guess as its the name of a region containing over 6700 islands. However with his gentleman’s accent and perhaps a faulty ear on my part, I heard ‘Ireland’ and it was only in the process of building a mocking meme that I realised my error. There’s probably a lesson in there, but I’m too disappointed to find it.

The correct answer is given by Durham’s Guillou (who in a remarkable revelation of the ‘Blimey, its a small world’ variety is the tenant of Salford’s Smith from last week) and they race away to a 60-25 lead, but it is ill-lasting and the good folk of Edinburgh pull level as the music questions come around. Stenner-Matthews gets ‘Gorillaz’ very quickly and he looks so pleased that I can’t hold it against him. They don’t find the bonuses so easy, and adopt the tried and tested tactic of guessing ‘The Velvet Underground’ for anything that sounds vaguely like Lou Reed could have been a passing acquaintance of the guy who was living with the backing guitarist.

I’m always confused by how Paxman chooses at what point to give a contestant a lecture, and tonight was no different. Following a Smithian guess of ‘mamba’ on a question about snakes he frowned a Paxman frown and explained that mambas actually live in sub-Saharan Africa, with the same false nonchalance that David Brent has when discussing Dostoevsky immediately after reading the Wikipedia entry.

Smith was in no way phased by the Questionmaster’s theatrics and continued his virtuoso performance, claiming four more starters as Edinburgh finally managed to pull away from a tie at 140-140. Louis Phillipe! Alexander the Great! Albrecht Durer! The Washington Monument. Great men and a great monument, but none a greater man nor monument this evening than Euan Smith.

Durham’s Guillou valiantly claws some points back with an outright guess on a ‘three words for three initials’ question, and he reacts with innocent joy upon its success, but it is too late, and victory goes to the Noble Quartet from the University of Edinburgh. Durham’s score will most likely see them back as high scoring losers, but on this night Caledonia hath vanquished them.

Final Score: Edinburgh 195 - 155 Durham

So that was week ten, and Edinburgh did us all proud. C’mon Auld Reekie! Come back next week when Wolfson College, Cambridge take on 2014 semi finalists the School of Oriental and African Studies. Thank you for reading.