2016/17, Episode 13 - St Andrews vs Worcester Clg

If you haven’t already you can watch the episode here before reading my review:

The University of St Andrews was founded in either 1410 or 1413 depending on whether you go by the year teaching began (1410) or the year it was formally constituted by the issue of a Papal Bull (1413). Personally I would go by the year teaching began, because this makes a whole load more sense. For those who don’t know, Papal Bulls were expeditions undertaken by Popes in which they rode on a bull from the Vatican to wherever they were needed, in order to give the blessing of the church to new developments in the expanding world. Unfortunately these are rarely seen nowadays.

Regardless of which year you go by it is the third oldest university in the English speaking world, beaten only by Oxford, from whence originate their opponents tonight, and Cambridge, though you could have probably guessed that.

St Andrews won the show for the only time in 1982, during the Golden Age of Scottish University Challenge (GASUC), the seven year period from 1978 to 1984 in which Caledonian Unis reached the only five finals they’ve ever reached in the history of the program, with Dundee also claiming the title in 1983.

The Paxman Era has offered little success for institutions north of the border, with four semi finals between six universities all to show for forty four collective appearances. St Andrews themselves haven’t progressed beyond the first round since 2010, when they reached the quarter finals. Tonight they hope not only to win, but to gain revenge on the team who knocked them out of the 2012 competition in the play-off round.

Worcester reached the semi finals following their demolishing of St Andrews in the repechage five years ago, losing soundly to victors Manchester. They can’t quite claim current royalty in their alumni like St Andrews, though Rupert Murdoch probably thinks of himself as some sort of king - and he certainly has as much power. Balancing out that loathsomeness is Emma Watson, who is about as wonderful as he is despicable.

The college has twenty six acres of gardens, and in a remarkable revelation that there exists a blog more niche than my own, you can read about the exploits and adventures of the Worcester gardeners as they tend to these vast lands (http://wocogaga.blogspot.co.uk/). Titles of recent posts include ‘A Bumper Delivery of Bulbs’, ‘Cordless Hedge Trimmer with Battery Belt’ and ‘A Tragic End for the Pair of Mute Swans’, the last of which is genuinely harrowing.

Their first three team members are studying maths and philosophy, and their fourth, presumably because they didn’t think they had enough of an outright numerical specialist, is only doing maths. Their mascot is a rubber duck who looks like its had the brightness turned down, though I feel they should have gone with a swan to honour the one from the Gardener’s blog.

Worcester take the first starter, then St Andrews captain Parker nabs the second, and Paxman scolds him for looking miserable as he does so. After this he tries his very best to maintain a maniacal grin for the rest of the show, apart from one moment where he just can’t take it anymore and tries to spontaneously combust.

His smiling didn’t seem to be doing much for his teams fortunes, with Worcester holding St As at arms length throughout the contest. Every time they pulled close or narrowly ahead, Wang would blast out a starter and crush any hopes that had been building.

In other news my decision to take Standard Grade History when I was fourteen was finally vindicated with the answer ‘Skara Brae’. I wrote a shit-hot report about those neolithic remains, just saying.

And talking of neolithic remains, the American fans at the Ryder Cup were criticised over the weekend for what some viewed as lewd and over-boisterous “support”, and I’m glad to say that no chants of “Baba Booey!”, “Get in the Hole!”, or “Wills and Kate suck!” were levelled at any of the contestants in this match. Indeed the only use of course or vulgar language I can remember in any edition of UC came from a previous St Andrews player. Its better seen than read - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZQLZWFJguY

Like I said, for the majority of the contest Worcester had St Andrews in their wing mirrors, conscious of the fact they were quite close behind, but ready to block any attempts at an overtake, but coming into the final straight they locked a wheel, leaving a gap, in which their able opponents gladly nipped past.

The mistake came in the form of a misheard answer to a bonus question. The worst mistake a UC captain can make, and it cost them dear. Walmsley leaned in and whispered ‘silicates’ to Williams (he was probably put off by how seductive a word it is), but he repeated it wrongly, and not only did St Andrews take the game, but these five points cost them a chance at a spot in the high scoring loser play-offs. You can see the heartbreak in his eyes in the picture below.

Final Score: St Andrews 175 - 145 Worcester, Ox

A solid win for the A’s, who make it a second Scottish team in the second round for the first time since 2010. Glasgow take on East London next week and will try to make it three for the first time since 1995. Come back for my review of that match if you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading