2016/17, Episode 27 - Imperial vs Nuffield

If you haven't already you can watch the episode here before reading this post:

I don’t want to have to do this every week, but if the venerable Pax keeps describing the quarter final stage as something vaguely on par with a meteor strike in terms of its desolation, I’m going to have to continue to rebuff his Spicer-ian exaggerations.

This week the adjective he opted for was kafkaesque, despite the distinct lack of monstrous beetles contesting the show (if you don’t count him, of course). Though if I’m giving Jeremy the benefit of the doubt then I do reckon Monkman has a Metamorphosis in him.

Returning this week, and decidedly not insectoid in any way, shape or butterfly, were Warwick and Emmanuel, having respectively dispatched a joyful East London and a stoic SOAS in the last round.

It is Warwick who introduce themselves first, and their first representative, Hobbs, stuns the nation with the most audacious piece of clothing so far this series (and I’m including some fairly questionable shirts in this claim - Chris Ducklin, I’m looking at you). Having suffered what I can only assume is a broken arm from trying to buzz in to forcefully during a practice quiz session, she boldly turns up to a kafkaesque University Challenge quarter final wearing a sling. Kudos to her, such dedication to the quiz.

Her teammate on the opposite side is Thomas Van from Geneva, who studies history, so much like Angela Merkel, he probably has the necessary knowledge to inform a certain leader of the free world about the nature of a certain convention, and I don’t doubt he lacks the conviction.

Below them in the studio (what’s that, you’re telling me the teams aren’t on top of each other?) are Emmanuel College, Cambridge, captained by Twitter’s own Bobby Seagull, who is repping a college hoodie in his eternal quest to remain on brand. And given that his name is already truly remarkable I feel guilty imagining the exploits of the lost Dickens character Emmanuel Seagull whenever he buzzes in for a starter.

To his left is Bruno. Bruno who? I hear you ask, and the answer is Barton-Singer, but he neglects the double barrel when introducing himself. He doesn’t have time for those four syllables. Time is money, and in this case money can be defined as correct answers to quiz questions.

And talking of quiz questions (I am a master of the seamless segue) it is Warwick’s Sophie Rudd who starts this match as she finished both of her previous appearances, getting her two cents in on the buzzer, or in this case five pence, I guess, since it was a question on coins.

The 2007 champions then zipped into a 65-0 lead before Bobby and his Emmanuels realised the match had even started. Bruno finally claimed the fifth starter to stop the rot, and Emma were back in it.

More than back in it, in fact. Having noticed that Warwick had got the jump on them, they sprinted powerfully up beside them, and rather than a cursory nod as they overtook, they produced baseball bats and took their opponents out at the knees.

The blistering 65 point lead Warwick had built up was even more blisteringly decimated, and they were left to crawl home with only twenty five more points and broken kneecaps, as Emmanuel started showboating on their way to 200.

Following a neg by Rudd, Emma’s Hill immediately buzzed, and declined Paxman’s offer of the questions remainder. With the briefest of hesitations he looked deep into the eyes of Jez’s soul and spoke the letters T-H. Nerves of steel.

Once it became apparent Emma had the victory in the bag, Seagull looked to the skies and gave a restrained fist pump. I say restrained, because while many people might consider such a gesture to be the peak pump they could muster, you get the feeling that Bobby has far more extravagant moves in his locker.

He then nobly attempted to guess an answer from all of the known surnames on the planet. “Smith, Jones, Johnson, Jackson…”. I split a deck of cards a few nights ago and correctly guessed the one face up would be the seven of diamonds (I mention this because it was one of the highlights of my year), but I fear Mr Seagull had worse odds than I.

Rudd nicked the final starter for Warwick, but by that point Bobby and pals knew they’d done enough

Final Score: Warwick 90 - 200 Emmanuel, Cam

A magnificent win for Emma against a hotly tipped Warwick side. Next week we have the first of the last ten episode of the series, as the glorious folks from Edinburgh take on Birmingham. Thanks for reading