2016/17, Episode 32 - Balliol vs Birmingham

If you haven't already you can watch the episode here before reading this post:

Having been beaten by Wolfson and Edinburgh respectively in the opening match of their campaigns to reach the semi finals, Balliol and Birmingham face off with everything on the line in this elimination match. Paxman says the losers this week will ride ‘off into the sunset’, rather than the ‘minibus of despair’, which Bristol took a few weeks ago. His hard line attitude to what he has sees as an apocalyptic quarter final stage is clearly softening as it begins to draw to a close.

Balliol captain Goldman, evidently smarting from his defeat at the hands of media darling Monkman in their previous appearance, decides to introduce himself with a notably increased volume to previous rounds, perhaps in imitation of his conqueror. If you can’t beat them, make damn well sure you shout like them, as the saying goes. And he’s brought with him a t shirt emblazoned with a tiger, so you know he means business, and that he would be well prepared should he need torso camouflage in a jungle.

In between recordings, Goldman’s teammate Potts and Birmingham captain went out together to buy new outfits for this match. This was fortunate for the both of them, since the one shirt that they both liked was buy one get one free. This meant that there were two copies of the same shirt on this episode, but no women…

Edinburgh and Emmanuel both have one female member, but should Wolfson, and the winner’s of tonight’s match both progress, then we would arrive at the semi finals with only two out of the sixteen contestants being women. Because I’m writing this two days late, it is International Women’s Day, the theme of which is ‘Be Bold for Change’. This isn’t the first match of the series to be contested by eight dudes, and it may not be the last. Mathematically, logically, intelligently, fairly (the adverbs could go on…), this doesn’t make sense, so going forward, let us all Be Bold For Change, in University Challenge as in life.

A problem I always have when writing these is transitioning from the introductory remarks to the actual description of the show, especially this week given that it’ll also require a tonal shift, from the serious to the ridiculous. What I’m doing here is hoping that by openly acknowledging this, I can subvert the fact that I can’t find a suitable segue. Regardless of whether or not you can break the fourth wall like that if there aren’t any walls to begin with, I’m going to crack on to the episode now, with nary a clever linking sentence in sight.

Anyway…

Goldman opens his account for the evening with the first starter, and looks deathly serious for a moment, before realising that most people would smile in that situation and attempts to contort his facial muscles into the necessary positions.

Their bonuses involve Game of Thrones, and I wonder, as I always do, why the questions on contemporary pop culture are generally far easier, relatively, than those on their classical equivalent.

For example: ‘Who was the second cousin of a minor character in this unpublished and never before seen Jane Austen poem, who appears on only one page and in one sentence?’ as opposed to ‘What is the place where every single major event in the entire Game of Thrones Universe happens called?’

I know they have to go obscure for the well known names in literature, otherwise all the Uni Challenge types would snaffle them quicker than you can say Shakespeare (or in the exact same length of time, if the answer happened to be Shakespeare), but would it really hurt them to throw in a more difficult Song of Ice and Fire question in order to validate the countless hours I spent reading George RR Martin’s descriptions of feasts.

Birmingham’s Rouse takes the next Ten, and the Brummies gamely battle away for a while, keeping within one question set up until beyond the first picture round thanks to Balliol’s resident Australian, Pope, dramatically failing to answer a single question on Australian deserts, to Paxman’s open disgust.

But this doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things, as just like in their first match against Imperial, Balliol start slowly before bulldozing their opponents, like a snowball made of human brains, running down a hill also made of human brains (because that’s the only way the snowball analogy works)

Goldman in particular, plays a blinder, coming in with ten starters, a series high, some of which are ridiculously quick as his confidence sky-rockets in a second half romp from the Oxfordians. Greenlees takes a medicine question late on, to bump his side over the fifty point mark in consolation, but like Arsenal on Tuesday night, they have been knocked out over two legs (albeit against two different teams, and in a further round of their respective tournament), in nearly (though not really anywhere near) as humiliating a fashion (and yes, I realise that when you reach more words in brackets than there are in the actual comparison you’re making, the sheer degree of explanation necessary probably means it isn’t a very watertight comparison)

Final Score: Balliol, Ox 265 - 65 Birmingham

An excellent display from Balliol, to secure another shot at making the Semis. Commiserations to Birmingham, who can be proud of what they achieved nonetheless. Based on previous years I’d imagine the final two elimination matches would be Wolfson//Warwick and Corpus Christi//Balliol, but don’t go quoting me on that.