2016/17, Episode 35 - Wolfson vs Emmanuel

If you haven't already you can watch this episode here before reading this post:

Tonight’s match has been described as the most eagerly anticipated match in University Challenge history, and for once such a moniker cannot be attributed to the hyperbolic keystrokes of The UC Review.

The mere fact that a headline like that exists is in some way indicative of its truth. Its rare for a journalistic publication to discuss the Challenge in the first place (beyond deplorable paragraphs about the attractiveness rather than brainpower of the few female contestants). Yet the Sunday Times this week compared the meeting of Cambridge colleges Emmanuel and Wolfson to the Borg-McEnroe Wimbledon Final of 1980 in terms of the excitement it has generated.

And if a thirty minute quiz show can come anywhere close to equalling the level of visceral thrills served up by four hours of the most exhilarating whacking of a tennis ball you will ever see, then it will certainly have lived up to its billing. At the very least it can boast the clashing of the two biggest names in the game this year, in a meeting many hoped would be the final

Bobby Seagull is a man with a name so good it could only be made up, and as it turns out it was. His parents gave him the surname of the irreverent protagonist from the novella Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, and we can thank them for choosing the best of the three names on offer. Robert Jonathan doesn’t quite have the same charm. Nor perhaps, would we have the precocious, squawking personality that comes from the nominative determinism of having such a glorious name.

He leads the Emmanuel quartet like an excitable child who happens to be extremely knowledgeable on Renaissance art, and who appears to be having the absolute time of his life on the show. But his propensity for endearing gestures, and genuine delight at his team’s correct answers hides another side to Seagull. The side that wouldn’t hesitate to swoop down and steal a flapjack from the pudgy hands of a squalling toddler.

There is a ruthlessness to his adorableness. He isn’t just here to be an enchanting oddball. He wants his beloved Emmanuel College to regain the famous silver trophy. He wants to emulate the victorious class of 2010. And he wants his name to go down in history beside the legendary Alex Guttenplan, whose spirit haunts his every waking moment.

His opposite number, Eric Megamouth Monkman (not his actual middle name), has the most starter questions of any semi finalist (35), and exponentially increased sales of protective earwear in the Manchester area during the filming of this series. I don’t know if he left his inside voice in Canada on purpose, or if it was lost by British Airways’ baggage handlers, but either way he shouts like he’s trying to shatter the glass case Jeremy Paxman long ago built around his person for fear of coming into contact with the bourgeoisie.

His unique brand of being both the smartest and loudest person in the room naturally resulted in his becoming the most consistently meme-able contestant the show has ever seen. Everything he has done on camera has been instantly caption-able or gif-able. Basically, if you think of any verb, there is a decent chance that the adjectival transformation would be applicable to him.

Those are the two big names, but there are six other people sitting beside and vertically adjacent to them, without whom neither would have made it this far. Seagull has Bruno (who goes only by his first name), Tom Hill and Leah Ward, with the mono-named physicist leading the side in the buzzer stakes, with 18.

Monkman has helping him the talents of Justin Yang, Ben Chaudhri and Paul Cosgrove, none of whom come close to him in the number of starter questions answered. But he has other things to thank them for, especially Chaudhri, whose powerfully subdued demeanour can only be a sign that he is donating a significant portion of his own mana to his captain, so that his Monkship can keep his volume in the thousands of decibels.

But whoever wins tonight, the loudest sound will be the sound of loss that accompanies the unlucky quartet as they leave the competition… Apart from when the Wolfson captain says the immortal words ‘Hi I’m Eric Monkman and I study economics’

He does so this evening with a conspiratorial pause before the word economics, and Cosgrove tries to hide his amusement as he introduces himself. Paxman reminds us that the winners of this semi final will make it to the final, just incase we’ve all forgotten how cup tournaments work (although maybe he’s still traumatised by the chaos of the quarter final format) and then we’re off.

Bruno kicks us off with a reasonably early buzz of ‘Deus Ex Machina’ on the first starter, which would have worked better if it had been on the last question of the match to win it. Seagull gives it the now-obligatory fist pump in his suit and tie, once again obeying the non-existent dress code. Bonuses on art history. Twenty nil to Emmanuel.

Predictably Monkman isn’t best pleased and belts out the Gunpowder Plot with considerable fireworks. Chaudhri takes the next, and the lead swings to Wolfson. Then immediately swings back to Emmanuel with a Hill ten pointer. Monkman booms ‘De Broglie’ to maintain the momentum of the victory seesaw. However he is apparently unable to give Paxman numerical answers (you’d have thought that wouldn’t be a problem for an economist, or indeed anyone, but even Monkman isn’t infallible), so outsources the bonuses to Cosgrove, who metronomically nods out lists of integers between one and four.

Wolfson edge slightly away, but three in a row from Emmanuel drag them back into it and following the music round there are only five points in it. Ninety to ninety five. Three from Wolfson restore the gap, and then with the scores at 110-145 Bruno is perhaps unluckily disallowed the answer ‘apposite’ in place of apposition. Following two starters excruciatingly dropped by both sides Hill beams ‘Yorkshire’ and going into the final minute only fifteen points separate the Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe of British University TV Quiz shows.

Being the maestro that he is, Monkman takes the next, and most vital ten points of the match, much to the dismay of the entire Emmanuel team, who know the day is lost. Hill takes the last question of the match, bringing his total to 15 for the series, but the gong confirms it as mere consolation.

So it is Wolfson who advance, knocking out an immensely entertaining Emma team. As for the captains, it was 7-0 to Monkman on the night, but Bobby can be incredibly proud of his and his college’s achievements, and he remains well clear at the top of the ‘grooviest name’ leaderboard.

Final Score: Emmanuel 140 - 170 Wolfson

The second Semi next week will see Balliol, Ox take on the University of Edinburgh for the chance to join Monkman and Co. in the Grand Final on the 10th April. Thank you for reading, feel the love