Checkmate

In the past few weeks I've played more than two hundred games of chess.

I bought a chess set for £4 from a charity shop and then downloaded Lichess because clearly the real life set wasn't going to be enough. I'm not very good - my rating is about 900 with a 42% win rate - but something happens to your brain when you play that much chess in such a short period of time. I should say that these games have all been on Blitz mode, with 3 minutes total per player (so a max of 6 minutes a game, though many are much shorter).

What happens is you start seeing patterns in the real world as well as on the chess board. So while I am getting better at spotting the sequences of moves which lead to my King being checkmated to high heaven, I was also watching Man City vs Arsenal yesterday as if it were a game of chess.

Don't move out of position Gabriel (knight), because that opens up the space for De Bruyne (queen) to set up Haaland (rook), etc...

When you see this (aside from the fact you quickly begin to feel very disoriented), you get a greater appreciation for the tactical side of a team sport like football at the highest level. Compare this to the 10 minutes of Marsden FC vs Nostell MW which I saw after a hike on Saturday and you can really see the difference. Everyone knows their role - what they are there to do and where they are supposed to be - and when you watch it like that the whole thing becomes a lot more interesting.

Perhaps this is just my way of justifying excitement about a game which was, in classical terms, pretty boring, but it definitely raises the level of exhiliration when you're watching a player pressing in the wrong area of the pitch and thinking that this really opens things up for the bishop to take that pawn.

If I had the energy, I'd try and write the whole review as if the episode was a game of chess, but after last week's Shakespearean farce I fancy keeping it a bit more normal.

Looking to join Imperial in the final are UCL and Manchester. I've just remembered that Manchester have a player called De Los Reyes White. If they get the opening starter (and go first) then I'm going to have to commit to the chess thing aren't I?

If UCL win then we'll have our first London on London final since Imperial beat the London School of Economics in 1996. If Manchester win then the two most winningest teams in UC history (4 trophies each, along with Trinity, who Imperial beat last week) will be facing off in a bid to become the first five time champions.

Here's your first starter for ten - if you want to watch the episode before reading the review you can do so here.

Izzatdust is super quick off the mark with Auden, meaning that I can close my tab which lists chess terms and stick to the simple ones I already know if I want to sprinkle any in. One bonus followed, before Senehedheera got Manchester off the mark with Goldbach. They took the lead with two bonuses on Germany.

Senehedheera is screaming at himself because he knows the next starter, but Izzatdust beats him to Bridget Riley for UCL. A third for that man cemented their lead, but they struggled toothlessly with a bonus set on dentistry. Hall kept repeating the word cuspid, because he'd heard it in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but none of the answers were cuspid.

The first picture starter went to Senehedheera, but they can't capitalise on the bonuses and Hall hits back for UCL with Knuth. Grady gets Manchester going again, but negs the next starter which could have tied the game for them. Izzatdust sweeps up with The Bronze Horseman.

There's a nice mention for Daft Punk's Get Lucky (its going to be the sound of the summer) before De Los Reyes White wins Manchester a set of bonuses on African football. Grady gets another, and they have a great time with a set on St Oswald, an Anglo-Saxon king, laughing their heads off at the question of Wessex was a pagan kingdom.

Manchester win the music starter with Ella Fitzgerald, and as the camera zooms in on them for the bonuses you can see Hall geeing his team up with a sort of cyclic fist pump. Grady chides his captain for only realising at the end that all of the bonuses are on the track Birdland, but he pulls Coltrane from the ether to bring Manchester within ten points.

This extends with astatine for Hall. Either he's really good at making educated guesses or he has no confidence in his own knowledge. Izzatdust takes another early one and UCL are flying again. Oops, commentators curse - a neg from Izzatdust hands the initiative to Manchester and Kullmann grabs it, correcting Mexico to King of Mexico.

A superb demonstration of Beatles knowledge from Grady put Manchester in three figures. They couldn't quite draw level with a bonus set on French economists, but there is mention of a Banerjee, which would have been a nice question for Trinity to get last week.

The second picture starter brings them within five points, but they don't manage any of the bonuses and Izzatdust is on hand to swat away their attempt at a check (its taken a while but we've got there in the end). De Los Reyes White with nitric acid reduces Manchester's deficit to five points again.

This is followed by the most clutch buzz of the series from Izzatdust. Mere seconds after he had negged to bring the sides level, he comes in incredibly early with Billy Bud. A second superb guess from Hall looks to have sealed it for UCL, but if Manchester can race through a feq questions they have a chance to bring themselves back from the brink.

Kullman gets swahili, but no bonuses leave the gap at twenty.

When UCL's Finlay gets Incheon Landings it's game over.

Crap, its not game over. Its checkmate.

Checkmate.

It was right there. The only thing I had to remember to do correctly.

UCL 210 - 165 Manchester

Phew. Well done to UCL, who progress to what is sure to be a spectacular final. And congrats too to Manchester, who gave it everything at the end there. Closer than the score makes it look.

Join me next week for UCL vs Imperial, and subscribe if you haven't already so you don't miss out on any posts.

Time for a game of chess.