Ctrl Alt Delete

I am five years old, going into the Computer Room at Primary school and mucking about on MS Paint. I am on holiday at seven years old and playing so much Solitaire in a hotel room, which for some reason had a PC, that I hurt my eyes. I am in IT class at secondary school, learning to type faster by playing a game in which letters fall down from the top of the screen. I am at home, obsessed with a game where you have to type the alphabet as fast as you can (my record is 2.13 seconds). I am in the school library, beginning a novel I would write during NaNoWriMo, more than fifty thousand words. I am at University, writing a paper about the Kyoto Protocol. I am in Malaysia, trying to build a program to model liquid and vapour leak rates on Excel. I am back in Edinburgh, editing the eighty page disseration which details the inner workings of said program. I am at home, after Uni, putting together the first of three appeals I would submit against my degree classification. I am on my first day at work, editing a report written by my boss. I am in my new flat, working from home, writing my own reports in the depths of the pandemic lockdowns. I am writing another novel, more than twice the length of my first, which I finish mere weeks ago. I am here, now, writing the introduction to my latest University Challenge Review, of which there have been more than two hundred.

And I never knew until four days ago what the delete key did...

For the entirety of my computing life I thought that the only point in the delete key was as part of the crtl-alt-delete triumvirate. But on Thursday I saw a colleague use it, and I asked him what the problem was with his laptop, because surely it had to be broken. Why else would it be deleting characters forwards?

People on both sides of this divide will be flabbergasted right now. Those of you who have always known will be shocked that there are some of us who never have. And for those of you questioning what the heck I'm on about, type a word into google, move the cursor to the start of the word and then hit delete (not backspace, delete). Its revelatory.

Everyone I've asked who is a longtime deleter has been baffled as to how I could have gotten by without using it. And while I can see clear use-cases for it, it hasn't been something I've ever thought I needed (just move the cursor to the right place, hit backspace and everything's gravy, baby). But the very fact that I've managed to go so long without knowing this functionality blows my mind enough all by itself.

Let me know in the replies whether this is new to you or not, but its time to get on with tonight's episode (and Paxman's penultimate show), so here's your first starter for ten.

Bristol and Southampton face off in the battle to join Durham as finalists. The final will be a rematch in either case, because Durham have already beaten these two earlier on in the competition. If Bristol win then the Grand Final will mirror the opening game of the series, which would be a brilliantly poetic way to end Paxman's tenure as Quizmaster.

I am slightly favouring Bristol, who lost the highest scoring match of the series to Durham by 185 to 195, but Southampton also gave the Wearsiders a close game in the quarter-finals. If Belcher has a good game, and there are a few musical questions for Lyon to dominate on then they will definitely have a chance. All eyes on McLaughlin for Bristol, who is the only person to have ever had an episode of this blog named after him (in part because I only started naming them this season, but his performance that week certainly merited the honour).

Whoever wins, it will be a first appearance in the showpiece for the victors. Let's go.

First blood to Bristol, and McLaughlin. But quickly we need to talk about how both of the mascots are wearing top hats. Bristol's bear and Southampton's seal (its a walrus actually, isn't it?) are matching, which is delightful.

Lyon gets love to get Southampton involved, and they take the lead with a pair of bonuses. McLaughlin hits back, recognising the description of azeotrope on the next starter question. The azeotrope, much like fugacity, is a concept which is often mentioned in chemical engineering, but I can't remember much more than the information Paxman gave in the question (perhaps this explains why I had to appeal my degree classification).

No one gets the first picture starter. The bonuses are won by McLaughlin with his third ten pointer, and they manage two. At this point the game is only being played by two players, as Lyon takes his second. Who will be the first contestant other than this pair to get one on the buzzer?

Its Richardson, with Bosworth. A hat-trick of fives, then yet another from McLaughlin puts Bristol firmly in the driving seat. Plenty of time still, but Kehler gets in on the act now, and the Avonsiders cross into three figures.

The music starter is an absolutely gorgeous tune, but no one recognises Fauré's Pavane. McLaughlin's fifth wins Bristol the bonuses. His sixth, on cricket wickets, puts them one hundred clear.

A slip up from Kehler allows Miles in to stop the rot for Southampton. The streak needs to be monumental if they're going to claw this back. Belcher knows this, and tries an early buzz of his own, but he's wrong, and McLaughlin's seventh probably puts this game to bed. His eighth turns the lights out. This is turning into a demolition job.

Refusing to take his foot of the pedal, McLaughlin narrowly beats Lyon to Rita Hayworth for his ninth. Belcher is quickest to know that the number in The Birthday Paradox is 23, but it doesn't do anything for their overall hopes.

Bristol 200 - 70 Southampton

Another hugely impressive performance from Bristol, who very nearly scored 205 for the fourth match in succession, and we have that rematch of the opening show. Really hoping that both sides show up, because we could be on for an absolute stonker of a final if their first showdown is anything to go by.

Southampton have been great, but their points differential to Bristol was always going to be tough to overcome, and the questions didn't really fall their way.

See you next week for the Grand Final, and Jeremy Paxman's last ever show.