Once More Up The Hill

I've had a nightmare.

I put up last week's review a week late because I forgot to actually hit post, and now this week's post has been mysteriously deleted from my drafts. It was all done and ready to go but I was going to read back over and post it's morning, but its gone. This is the kind of computer-crash document-loss nonsense that I thought we'd relegated to the era before auto-save.

Earlier in the series, I started writing my drafts locally, rather than directly on my CMS, to avoid the potential for issues like this, but for some reason I typed this one out directly on the website. Which is normally fine, because it automatically saves a draft as soon as you type a single word. But on this occasion, its all gone. I don't know where and I don't know why, but this is what's happened, so I'm going to have to do it all again.

It wasn't so perfect a post that I'm going to try and recreate it from memory, but I will start with the same thing, which is an extract from the 2022 quarter-finals because this has been my theme for the past five weeks.

Its a story about my friend's dog being offered a biscuit in a pub.

Another biscuit was proffered, and rejected, and again it was announced that the biscuit profferer was a veterinary professional, at which point my friend said rather loudly, with the intention of its being a joke (though it wasn’t taken as such), ‘I was hoping we wouldn’t need any medical intervention this evening’, which resulted in said veterinary professional slinking off with her tail between her legs. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a ‘puppy playing perfectly pleasantly in a pub’ is a particularly pertinent use of a degree in veterinary medicine. Sure, if you see a horse in distress, and know, due to your degree in veterinary medicine that the horse is having a heart attack, then by all means, feel free to rush over and say ‘step aside, I’m a veterinary professional. That horse is having a heart attack and I know exactly what to do’… (presumably a big upside down defibrillator, but then again, I’m no veterinary professional).

I want to get quickly onto the episode since this is the second time I'm writing this, but I will start by saying that another of the 2022 posts has a formula which aims to predict the winners of the quarter-final episodes.

(1-TeamScore/(TeamScore+OpponentScore)) * TotalScore

I don't even need to put the numbers into the equation to tell you that Imperial enter this match as heavy favourites over Queen's, Belfast. They've scored 815 points to Belfast's 515, an average of 100 per match more.

Here's your first starter for ten

The opening question mentions the Spratly Islands, and this is enough of a clue for Spry (who shares his first three letters with the archipelago) to buzz in with South China Sea. They take a hat-trick of bonuses on the Polish philosopher Katarzyna de Lazari-Radek before Rankin gets Queen's going with a quick buzz of Jordan Peele.

The Queen's skipper took a second starter in a row with 10th century, before both sides dropped the picture starter, on the Masai Mara.

Salamanca Camacho won the bonuses for Imperial with a tough science question, then McKillen tied the game with barbershops. It remained tied after Queen's missed all three bonuses on scientific symbols.

Spry took the lead back for Imperial with Queen of Sheba, proving that he doesn't need name-based clues in the questions. Another starter for Rankin closes the gap, but Queen's, for the second set in a row, take none of the bonuses.

Mitochondria gives Rankin his fourth starter, and they make up for their bonus blunders with a full set on French cinema, including one on Les Miserables, which prompts Rankin to give his teammates a massive grin, like they'd all been hoping this would come up.

Carlisle takes the music starter for Queen's with The Waterboys, and they manage two bonuses on Phoebe Bridgers and Mac DeMarco (whose full name is Macbriare, a fact I learned the first time I wrote this review).

Stokes stokes the Imperial fire with sesame, based on the mention of tahini, one of the greatest foodstuffs known to man. A few weeks ago I visited ten Asian supermarkets in Glasgow looking for a specific brand of it, which I didn't actually find.

A fifth for Rankin puts Queen's 45 points clear, their largest lead of the match. Spry knows he needs to keep Imperial within touching distance, and duly obliges with Probably, Approximately Correct on the next starter. Rajan is delighted by this. He'd been hoping someone would get that starter so that he could crack out his pre-prepared joke of 'well that's absolutely correct'.

Salamanca Camacho comes close to tying the game, but gives Transvaal instead of Vaal when asked for a river. No matter, because Elkouby takes the replacement starter with pizzicato. Spry then gives Imperial the lead with Sally Gunnell, and Stokes extends it with RNA sequencing.

Only a few minutes to go and Imperial lead by 35 now. Have Queen's missed their chance?

Maybe not. Hearing only 'Meaning those who face death', McKillen comes in with an outstanding buzz of Kurdistan to keep the Belfast quartet in it. They take a single bonus, then an excellent guess of lullaby from Thompson brings them within 5 points. but their bonus troubles return on a brutal set about photography.

A panicked guess of glass panes from Salamanco Camacho lost Imperial their 5-point lead, and Carlisle snuck in with tracery to take it back for the Northern Irish. Two bonuses put them 20 clear with less than a minute remaining.

It would take an anomalous effort from Imperial to steal this back, but Elkouby takes the next starter to give them a chance.

They lose composure and bottle the first bonus on The God Delusion, but pull back their focus to take the remaining two on other Richard Dawkins books, tying the game with 2 seconds left.

Wow.

Imperial 170 - 170 Queen's

We have a tiebreak on our hands.

Which British monarch was born in the same decade as Scarlatti, Handel and Bach?

Pause.

Buzz.

Queen's, Rankin - George II.

Rajan has a little pause of his own before slapping his hands against the table and announcing them the winners.

Imperial 170 - 180* Queen's

What an episode that was. If I am doomed to review this episode every day like Sisyphus then I am glad that it was a great one. Though I'll probably get bored eventually. I wonder how many times through it would be before I could answer all the questions before they'd even been asked.

Now, I've done this review twice so surely you're going to subscribe? See you next week for Darwin vs Bristol.