Scrollllllll

I've never downloaded TikTok, because I know for a fact that I would become horribly addicted to the endless scroll, and I don't want to lose days of my life to random videos I haven't even chosen to watch.

This is something which gives me a sense of enormous smug pride, but it is a deluded pride (as pride so often is), because the algorithmic attention harvesters simply get me via another avenue.

I deleted Instagram because I was losing mornings to reels about basketball, but I am still falling prey to YouTube shorts - the trojan horse of moving picture micro-content.

On YouTube, you used to at least feel as though you were choosing what to watch. Everything you saw would still have been suggested to you, but you were selecting which of the selected videos you wanted to watch. There was an air of intentionality to it.

With Shorts there is no intentionality, and the more Shorts you watch, the less you feel like watching longer videos, because why would you bother when you could watch 20 shorts in the same time.

It doesn't matter if the shorts are about stuff in which you have no interest, or are the same as the ones you watched yesterday. If you really dislike it you can just swipe to the next video, and the next, and the next, and the next...

And even the creators you thought you didn't like to begin with become familiar to you, so you don't skip them the next time they show up, even though you still don't really like the content they are making, but because you've been microdosing their personalities for the past few weeks you feel like you know them a little bit.

In a way TikTok is probably better than Shorts, because those videos have been created for that medium, wheareas most shorts are either repurposed TikToks or clips of longer videos. Anyway, I'm going to try and focus for long enough to write this review, but I can't promise that I won't get lost in a neverending stream of fifteen second half 'n' half Minecraft/podcast videos.

If you want to watch the episode before reading the rest of the review you can do so here, but I'm warning you - watch out for the Shorts.

Rajan kicks us off by losing his mind at the two teams clapping each other before the start, then Wotton takes the first question for Christ Church with a superb buzz of Ionian Islands.

They take a couple of bonuses, then Davidson, wearing a shirt covered in neon purple mushrooms, gets Open off the mark with John Dryden.

I just googled 'Did John Dryden do mushrooms?' to see if there was a connection I could draw. It seems he didn't, but the search did turn up this quote, so it wasn't a wasted effort.

Dryden commented that Aristotle seemed to have the opinion that a mushroom was greater than a peach “because it shoots up in the compass of a night”

A starter is dropped, before Open skipper Gavaghan picks one up with Joseph Paxton. I've commented in earlier episodes on her funky glasses, and I think I have by chance figured out where they are from.

One of the guys who pops up in the Shorts is this guy, who sometimes hunts down products he sees other people using, so my first thought was of him when I realised this. This is my first attempt at product-hunting, but I think they are Pop-Specs, if anyone is interested in funky glasses.

The picture starter is on environmental disasters, and goes to Wotton. Gorgianeh takes another for Christ Church and wins a bonus set on astrophysics, which is her degree. The pressure is on, but she delivers with two out of three.

A second for Davidson keeps the game tight, but Wotton returns fire for Christ Church to retain the lead. No one gets a starter on otters, despite the clue that they live in holts. Wotton's incorrect answer is pine marten though, and its always nice to hear mention of pine martens.

Gavaghan and her glasses win ten points with El Greco, which ties the game going into the music round. No one gets this one either, but Wotton continues his series of excellent early buzzes with Nassau to win Christ Church the bonuses.

He has the game by the scruff of the neck now, taking three more consecutive starters to give his team what looks like an unassailable lead going into the second picture starter.

Romans recognises Michael Collins, but they only manage one bonus, and she then negs the next starter to drop them back again. And who else but Wotton should pop back up to take his eighth starter with armillary sphere. What a buzz, and what a performance.

Open manage one more starter, but the match had already been lost when Wotton smashed out his four in a row.

Open 75 - 170 Christ Church

Christ Church have to win another match to stay in the competition, but if Wotton plays like this on the buzzer then they have every chance. Open didn't quite have it today, but they've been a very fun team to watch.

See you next time as Christ Church return to face Manchester for the third semi-final spot.