2016/17 - Episode 1, Sheffield vs Bristol

Without Game of Thrones to startle some explosiveness into our Monday nights following the, well, explosiveness of the season finale it only seems right that the TV scheduling Gods (the old ones and the new) would awaken University Challenge from its summertime slumber to erase any thoughts of dragonless despair from our beating hearts. And as Euro 2016 drew ponderously to a mothballed conclusion yesterday the world is in need of a knockout contest in which the winners won’t claim victory having drawn six out of their seven matches (although draws in UC are actually the most exciting occasions)

Enter University Challenge. The gladiatorial quizzing marathon like no other. Enter a stony eyed Jeremy Paxman, hair thick and flowing like a bear post-hibernation. Enter Roger Tilling, voice like a chain-smoking mountain to boom names that will soon echo into eternity. Names like Hannah “The Eyebrow” Woods, and Ted “Hapax Legomenon” Loveday. And enter the new crop of contestants, wide eyed and bushy tailed, who don’t know yet how close they may be to immortality.

If you haven’t already, you can watch the episode here before reading the review:

This is week one, round one. We have Sheffield facing off against Bristol, who have a team member called Jackson, which may amuse fans of the David Nicholls novel Starter for Ten, whose lead character was also called Jackson, and was a member of the Bristol University Challenge team (what’s that? It didn’t amuse you? Well it amused me okay?). Its important to note she looks nothing like James McAvoy, however, who played the part in the film adaptation.

Paxman promises that somewhere along the line we’ll get a contestant who is researching new ways of x-raying cheese (who knew that the old ways were so outdated?), but there’s no such excitement in the degrees tonight. A lot of general science and politics, classic University Challenge fare, though no one actually studying ‘Classics’ itself, sadly. Cotton, on the right for Sheffield, says he’s studying physics and astrophysics, which seems a bit like he’s giving himself a big pat on the back. Rolleston meanwhile, the only contestant with the good grace to have worn tweed, is going to be a history teacher, which is probably why he was the only contestant with the good grace to wear tweed.

Anyway, enough prattle, let the quizzing commence. Jackson buzzes in for the first correct starter, on earthworm excrement, because of course it is, and Bristol start to edge ahead. Questions on Copernicus, human anatomy and the London Underground follow, a typically eclectic mix, most of which totally goes over my head, though of course that’s kind of the point of watching. There’s nothing like a contestant buzzing in with a word you’ve never heard of to answer a question comprised entirely of words you’ve never heard of. Even better when they also get it right.

Tomsett for Bristol, who looks like the kind of archetypal bearded hipster who have overthrown our society in recent years chips in with a match high five starter questions and is greeted each time by fierce, stirring glances from Team Captain Clarke. I think the only conclusion we can come to at this stage is that they are in the midst of a passionate, but turbulent, intellectual love affair.

Keen to get involved in this relationship was wannabe history teacher Rolleston. The poor chap leaned towards them earnestly during every bonus question interlude, but it was clear that like his blurred face in the above picture, his part in their story would gain no resolution.

Sheffield plugged away admirably, with a perfect score on a set of Sex Pistols questions their personal highlight (especially impressive considering they have the same combined score on the Punk scale as One Direction, approximately 0.001 Anarchies in the UK) but when you’ve got a blossoming romance on the other side, its always going to be a difficult obstacle to overcome.

Final score: Bristol 210 - 130 Sheffield

So that was week one, and Bristol beat Sheffield thanks to the power of love. Corpus Christi, Oxford take on Jesus, Cambridge next week in the first Oxbridge match of the season. I hope you’ll come back for another edition of the University Challenge Review, thanks for reading

@TheUCReview